did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
