I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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