Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize