My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
