if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
