according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
