if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
