You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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