u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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