Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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