i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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