hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
