4 words: hood of his car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he quoted the bible to break up with me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
