Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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