you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
