So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
