I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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