i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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