I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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