Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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