my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she peed on how many people?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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