8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
