Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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