he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
