the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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