Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
