Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
