I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
