i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
