when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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