How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
