i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
