she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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