Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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