You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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