my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Say something about gay babies.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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