I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
