Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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