I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
