Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
