i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize