All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
