my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
