I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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