I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
