Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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