He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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