she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
