Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
