I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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