you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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