bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
