What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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