If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
