I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
