rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
