I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
