Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
