It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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