she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
