I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
