Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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