Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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