hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
