I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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