last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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