toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
