i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
