Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
