like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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