I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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