I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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