omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
