Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
