I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
