We're facebook friends in real life
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
