that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
