im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize